Insta-Hate (Instant Gratification #1) Read online

  “I’ll stay as long as people come.” She knew that. If people took the time to come and get a book signed, I would stay until the last person left.

  “Fine. Don’t be late, Alexandria.”

  “I won’t. You know, if you’re planning on making the event miserable, you should consider skipping it altogether, Margaret. I don’t need this right now.” I hung up on her. It was rude of me, but I was beyond polite pleasantries with her.

  The day of the signing came too fast. Saturday, December nineteenth. Meg came to get Natalia, ringing the doorbell at two in the afternoon. Tally raced me for the door and we both collided into the wood as we skidded across the floors. I taught her that. When we opened the door giggling, Meg took us in – our smiles, matching Star Trek t-shirts, shorts, and thigh-high socks. “You two look like you’re having fun.”

  “Go get some jeans on, Tally bug.” Tally ran down the hallway and into her bedroom. The sound of drawers being pulled out and clothes hitting the wall filtered down the hall.

  “She’s just like you in that regard,” Meg laughed.

  “Yeah.”

  “Oh!” she exclaimed, pulling something from her purse. “I was going to give you this for Christmas, but I can’t in front of the kids.” It was a white coffee mug. On the porcelain, a Christmas elf in red and green clothes with an obvious woody stood proudly. In scrawling cursive were the words: ‘I love Christmas morning… wood’.

  I laughed and held it to my chest so Tally didn’t see it. “Thank you. It’s perfect.”

  “I’d never thought of elves having boners before, so...” she laughed.

  Tally ran past me, a drawstring backpack over one shoulder and her hair pulled up into a pony tail. She was spending the night with Meg and I was meeting up with Ava and Jillian after the signing—whenever it ended. I hadn’t seen Jillian in way too long, since Mom’s funeral.

  “You look beautiful, Lexie,” Meg offered, hugging Tally to her side.

  “Thanks, and thanks for letting her stay the night.”

  It didn’t take too long. Natalia decided to stay with me most nights now, only occasionally asking to stay at Evan and Meg’s. She was resilient and as long as we remained flexible, Doc promised she wouldn’t break. It wasn’t all peaches and cream, though. She tested me. If I told her no, she’d become defiant; screaming that I wasn’t her real mother, that Meg was, and that she’d call Meg to come and get her and never come back. At first it gutted me, but Doc set me straight on the situation: “She’s manipulating you. She’s trying to see how far you’ll bend to her will. You have to show her that there are rules and consequences for breaking those rules. She’ll come around. In the end, she will appreciate the structure you provide. A lot of parents think that kids are scarred from strictness, but rules give children boundaries and they need those more than almost anything.”

  He checked in every day after Mom’s funeral mostly by text message now, but occasionally he called. It was always good to hear his voice. Meg called daily, or stopped by to see ‘her girls,” claiming she needed a break from the massive amount of testosterone in her house.

  “Call me in the morning. I can bring breakfast,” I offered in a sing-song voice.

  “Doughnuts?”

  Grinning, I nodded. “Oh, yeah.”

  Tally jumped up and down. “Bring your doughnuts cup, Aunt Lexie! The one that says ‘I’ and has a picture of a doughnut and then says ‘care’. ‘I doughnut care’.” She burst into a fit of giggles.

  “I will.” I smiled, ruffling her hair. When would she call me mom? Would she ever want to? Every time she left, every time she walked out our front door, I worried that she’d decide she didn’t want to return.

  I knew I was the parent, but I didn’t want to force this on her in a way she couldn’t handle. Doc said we were handling this in the best way possible, but warned that at some point, the line in the sand would have to be drawn. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to draw it too soon.

  I would, however, hug her and tell her to be good. I’d watch her get into Meg’s car and wave goodbye from the back seat. I’d listen for the honk and smile until they pulled away. Then I would hold my breath until she came home again.

  ***

  Margaret was waiting for me at the Barnes and Noble at 555 Fifth Avenue. I wasn’t late, but by her pinched expression, I could tell she wasn’t pleased with me. I couldn’t remember all of my past, just a flash here and there and enough to know I didn’t want to know it all. I had a sense about Trinity, about who she was, and I separated her from me in my mind. She was different and had a completely opposite disposition on life than I did. Trinity was kind. Alexandria wasn’t always that. At all. And Margaret expected the me she knew.

  Margaret led me to the romance section of the store and pointed toward the table that was covered in white linens, lined with stacks of bookmarks to celebrate my latest release. “You hit number one on all three lists. Congratulations.”

  “Thank you.”

  She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and opened her mouth. I expected venom, but she spewed an apology instead.

  “I am sorry, Alexandria.”

  “Pardon?” My brows kissed one another.

  “I’m sorry. I work very hard at what I do. As I get older, I get less patient. It’s a character flaw. However, I had no right to bully you toward a deal that you did not want or need.”

  My mouth gaped open until I realized it was my turn to speak. “Urgh, thank you. Apology accepted.”

  She rocked on her toes and back on her heels. “And I would like to ask you for another chance. I enjoy your writing and selling it for you. I’d be honored to continue to do so.”

  What in the hell was this? Was she possessed?

  “I was wrong,” she continued. “But I won’t wrong you again. I’m simply asking for a second chance.”

  Alexandria didn’t care about second chances, but something in Margaret’s face told me she was being sincere. The part of me in which Trinity used to reside, urged me to give her the second chance she was asking for.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” Her face lit up ever so slightly. “You’ll let me see your work first? Let me represent you?”

  “I’ll give you first dibs. If you don’t want to sell what I write, you can pass.”

  She nodded. “Do you have anything?”

  Did I ever. “Yes. I’ll email it tomorrow.”

  “Thank you, Alexandria,” she said as the store manager appeared to greet us and get us settled in for the signing. Stacks of books were rolled in on a cart and Margaret, who usually scrammed at the first sight of fangirls and guys, told me she would man my cell, taking photos for social media. And she did. As the readers came, she ushered them through the line and told me to smile with them as they held up books, handmade t-shirts, and canvas bags for me to sign. The woman who seemed so adamant that we needed to leave by six o’clock sharp stayed until nine-twenty, when the store sold out of the book they were featuring and the fans were asked to come back at the next signing. She even tried to smile and stayed as I shook hands with those left in line and signed bookmarks for each of them. I walked out of the building feeling relieved and happy that she was trying and might just continue to do so.

  The pressure, all of it, was starting to ease. Natalia was a dream. Meg was coping and talking to Doc. He even referred her to a physician who put her on an anti-depressant, something that was long overdue. She’d suffered in silence; either too proud to seek help or maybe too afraid. And now Margaret’s turn around. Were the cosmos aligning somehow? Would it all fall apart at the strike of midnight or when the moon was full and people were moody again? Now that I resided with a child, I believed in the full moon effect on people. Meg told me to watch for it and see if Tally was crankier during that time, and she was.

  I said my goodbye, hailed a cab, and texted Ava and Jilly that I was on my way. They were at LeBoeuf’s, a delicious steak house in Uptown and I could not wait t
o sink my teeth into some seared meat. ‘Starving’ didn’t begin to cover it. Giddy exhaustion washed over me. Wine and good company were waiting and I couldn’t wait to see my girls!

  When I started feeling bad about asking Meg to let Tally stay overnight when she’d raised her for years, Doc assured me that it would be good for Megan’s family and for Tally. “It’ll also be good for you to get out, Alexandria. You need adult-time, too. It’s healthy and normal to need a break.”

  When the cab pulled up to the curb of the dimly lit restaurant, I was ready to get my break on.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  Reservation for Awkward

  Alexandria

  Ava said they were seated in a back room, so I told the maître d’ and followed him through the hustle and bustle into the most interior and intimate room. Ava and Jillian Muppet flailed from the back corner where all but the small table beside of ours was full. They tackle-hugged me and Jillian insisted that I sit beside her because she hadn’t seen me in forever.

  I giggled as Ava slid a glass of Cabernet in front of me. “Da Vinci,” she said with a smile.

  Sighing, I sipped the delicious nectar. It was so much better than sugar-drowned coffee. Maybe I should drink wine in my mugs from now on—when Tally slept at Meg’s only, of course.

  “I’ve missed you so much!” Jillian squealed, earning strange looks from those seated nearby. “Sorry,” she whisper-yelled to them. One by one, they turned their attention back to their food and dining partners.

  “How was the signing?” Ava asked.

  “It was amazing. So many people came out in support of the new release. It was overwhelming.” Where were their plates? “Have you eaten?”

  “No! We were waiting on you,” Ava answered, crossing her arms and pursing her lips into a pout. “I wanted to go to the signing, but we had to save your seat here.”

  “And my stomach thanks you for that, Ava. But seriously, you should have eaten. I bet you’re starving!”

  Jillian winked. “Miss Ava is definitely hungry, but we’ve been snacking on the bread. And as usual, the waiter is smitten with our sultry friend here.”

  “What is it with you and waiters?”

  Ava smiled. “It’s like musicians or artists. I just have a thing. Leave my thing alone, Lexie.” She winked teasingly.

  “No way, Jose,” I reminded.

  “Touché,” she responded with a giggle, raising her glass to me.

  Suddenly, Jillian looked constipated. “What just happened?”

  As Ava filled her in on our trip to the Dominican Republic and her tryst with Jose, she paused to flirt with Dominick the waiter when he came to take our orders. I wasn’t sure whether he was genuinely taken with Ava or genuinely wanted us to hurry and eat so he could have another table for the night. I’d remember to tip him well.

  Jillian nudged me. “Mr. Daniel has been in a dick mood since you dropped.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “That has nothing to do with me.”

  “Yeah, well, the term paper was the death of me. I passed the paper and the course with a B, though.”

  “That’s great.”

  Ava stood up and announced that she needed to find the Ladies room. I didn’t miss the way she swung her hips for Dominick, who watched from the nook where he keyed in the information for patrons’ bills.

  When she returned, her steps were quick and her face was pale. She looked like she’d seen a ghost or was about to be sick. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  Jillian gave Dominick a look that would kill. “Did he bother you? I’ll remove his testicles.” She gripped her steak knife like a felon with a shank.

  “It’s not that. Not him. It’s not Dominick. It’s-” She looked over her shoulder. “Oh, shit.”

  “What?” I looked over her.

  Striding into the room was none other than Arsen Daniels, and on his arm was a gorgeous brunette with long legs and lips that even Angelina Jolie would be jealous of. My heart thundered. I’d tried to reach him, but no wonder he didn’t answer. He was busy. He moved on. And now he was going to be seated at the empty table next to ours. Fuck. My. Life.

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  Fed Up

  Arsen

  Cynthia was intent on marking her territory. She literally clung to me as we walked through the restaurant, staking her claim among the steaming steak dinners. We were seated in a quiet corner, only a few other tables remaining in the room. I eased her chair out and scooted it in as she sat down, and then while taking the two fucking steps to my own chair, I saw a pair of familiar eyes. Fuck. My. Life.

  Her mouth hung agape. Blonde hair cascaded down over her shoulders, toying with her breasts in the most delicious fucking way. My entire body responded and I hated him for it. First time I ever hated my dick.

  She blinked, her body tense. Jillian and Ava whispered to her, but I could hear them.

  “Well, he’s certainly been busy. No wonder he hasn’t responded to your calls or texts or letters,” Ava said disgustedly. I sat in the chair beside Cynthia with my back to the woman who’d haunted me for so long.

  “It’s okay. I mean, I need to talk to him, but if he wants to date, that’s his choice,” Alexandria asserted.

  “You have to tell him,” Jillian said.

  “If he’ll listen, I will.”

  Cynthia scanned the wine list and then the menu. “I can’t make up my mind,” she said, her lip turning under in a pout.

  Pushing away from the table, I stood up and buttoned my jacket. “I need to use the restroom.” With Lex being so close and her eyes burning holes in the back of my head, dinner was going to be fucking misery—one that I might be able to end quickly.

  “Okay,” Cynthia said, never looking up from the laminated pages.

  This was Lex’s chance, and she had exactly five minutes. I could hear the clicking of heels a few feet behind me. I walked toward the restrooms but passed them by, opening the door that led to outside.

  “Hold the door,” I ordered. “I’ll find something to prop it open.”

  The alley was dark. Down the steps that led to the door was a wide puddle rainbowed with fuel, and sitting in its center was half a brick. I grabbed the red stone and eased it inside the door. Alexandria stepped outside. “I’ve been trying to reach you for months,” she said, steeling her shoulders.

  “I know.”

  “Did you get the package? The ring?”

  I shifted my feet. “I did.”

  She stared up at me. “I deserve the tone, the attitude, all of it, but I never lied to you, Arsen. I had no clue that I was Trinity McGregor. But I am her—or was her. I don’t remember everything, even now. The fact that I had a head injury was no lie, and neither was the fact that the injury caused amnesia. I forgot myself. I forgot you, but most importantly, I forgot our daughter. That’s why you were so angry outside the frat party, right?”

  My entire body turned to stone. “Where is she?”

  “My sister raised her, but she stays with me most of the time now. We’re kind of a work in progress.” She looked toward the street, but I could see a tear fall onto her cheek. “I didn’t want to tell you like this,” she said, her voice quivering.

  “You need to explain everything, right now.” Right the fuck now.

  “Can we meet this week?”

  “NO!” I roared. “Right the fuck now! Tell me what happened. Why did you keep her from me?”

  “I didn’t!” she cried as she shook her head, tears beginning to pour.

  “You kept her from me after she was born, too. You’re a fucking liar and I’m done with your games, Trin.”

  “It was my father. He kept you from her and from me.”

  That was bullshit. A fucking excuse and a piss poor one. “You should have found a way. I could have raised her. Did you or any of your fucked up family ever think of that?” I was fucking done. Done with this restaurant, done with Trinity / Alexandria, and done with the mind games. “Expect a call from my attorney on M
onday.”

  “No, please. Just let me explain. Meet me one day next week and I’ll tell you everything I know. You can sit down with Meg too, if you want. And you can meet Natalia. I wouldn’t keep her from you, but she’s just been told that the people who raised her aren’t her parents and…I just got her settled. I want to take this slowly, Arsen. Please,” she begged.

  I watched her sea-green eyes well up and the tears overflow, but I couldn’t handle this anymore. She might run again and I’d never see my daughter again. “No.”

  Brushing past her, I went to Cynthia and told her we were leaving, threw money on the table to pay for the wine she’d ordered, plus a generous tip. We didn’t pass Alexandria on the way out.

  ***

  Alexandria

  Ava and Jillian found me in the alley, trembling against the bricks at my back. “Aw, babe,” Ava said, pulling me into a hug. “He wouldn’t listen?”

  I shook my head. “He wants the whole story right now. I didn’t want to spew it in the alley, but he refused to meet me next week.”

  “Does he know about Tally?”

  I nodded, wiping my face with a tissue that Jillian produced from... I didn’t know where, as she had no bag, but I didn’t want to spend too much time thinking about it.

  “He’s calling his attorney.”

  “You have to tell him. Now.”

  “He’s gone,” Jillian said. “They left the restaurant. Go to his office on Monday.”

  There might be another way. I hated to involve him, but desperation fueled my fingers. I took my phone out of my clutch and dialed a familiar number. When the masculine voice filled my ear, asking if I was okay, I said, “No I’m not okay, and I need you to ask Arsen Daniel to listen to me. He’s threatening to get an attorney about Tally.”

  “I’ll try. It’ll violate several laws, but sometimes rules must be broken, and this is worth it.”

  “Thanks, Doc.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. That man’s stubborn as a mule.”