Insta-Hate (Instant Gratification #1) Read online

  “You like a little coffee with your sugar?” I asked, smiling.

  “I’m trying.”

  Trin hated coffee. Was it just another coincidence that Alexandria didn’t like it either? Maybe she wasn’t her, and I was being an asshole again. But if she wasn’t, where was Trin and would I ever find her? I had to find her.

  “Care if I tag along just to grab a cup to go? I don’t know where the good coffee is around here.”

  She narrowed her eyes and then surprised me. “Okay. Let’s roll.”

  ***

  Alexandria

  Okayyyy, so Mr. Daniel wanted good coffee. Jillian’s eyes went wide when we exited the room together and paused in front of her in the hallway. The fluorescent lightbulb overhead flickered and twitched like my eyelid when I was annoyed. “Mr. Daniel wants coffee, so he’s going to follow us to Perk It.”

  “Perk It?” he asked.

  “Perk it real good,” I answered. “They’re the best.”

  We walked across campus and down the sidewalk to Perk It. The line was seven deep, which wasn’t actually bad for this place. I’d seen it out the door and around the corner before. While we waited for our sweet nectar, Jillian prattled on about how awesome this assignment was, despite the length, and how she and I made plans (which she failed to include me in or tell me about) for playing devil’s advocate and proving that sadly, love does not exist.

  I stepped up and ordered a caramel macchiato and grabbed half a dozen sugar packets from the basket while Jillian ordered a cappuccino. Arsen’s voice cut across the din of the crowd. “I’ve got this,” he said, throwing out his order of black coffee—gasp—and some bills on the counter.

  I was about to protest and tell him I could pay for my own damned coffee when Jillian swooned. “Aww, thank you. That was sweet.” She turned to him and started talking again about our assignment. Somehow, she and I had become project buddies. “We’re gonna do this up right. I plan to set Alexandria up on a blind date! And I’ve signed us both up for speed dating and on another internet dating site that doesn’t cost a year of tuition, Mr. Daniel. Good grief, your services are so expensive, if you even select someone, and this site was free. Oh, and we’re going to try this the old-fashioned way, too! We’re going to go prowlin’ for men.”

  I’d just taken a sip of my drink and it went down the wrong hole when I gasped at her. Coughing and sputtering, I handed Jillian my drink while Arsen patted my back. Hacking like a fish out of water was not sexy.

  “Wait.” Hack. Hack. Hackkkkk. Hack. Hack. Harf. Harffff.

  “I’m...” Hack ... “not”.... harf... “doing those....” hack cough harf.... “things.”

  “You totally are. It’s all set. Well, most of it is. I have to think about the blind date thing. We start tomorrow. Speed dating lunch at noon!”

  Finally able to breathe, she handed my coffee back. “How’d you manage that?”

  She wiggled her cell phone and gave me a duh look. Putting the internet on phones was the worst idea ever. Arsen chuckled. “Sounds promising.”

  “See? Even the love guru doesn’t believe in speed dating,” I said, groaning. This was going to be hell. “And if I get a booger-picker, I’m leaving. I’m out. Immediately. Got it?” I asked her.

  She giggled. “Got it. No booger pickers. I’ll make sure to take that into consideration when I pick your blind date!”

  “We don’t need to do that!” I yelled as she deserted me in Perk It with Arsen Daniel, who wore a smug smirk on his face.

  “Do you want to grab a seat for a few minutes?” he asked.

  I looked around and the place was mostly deserted. “Sure.” We settled in two comfortable padded chairs. “For the record, I don’t want to do any of the things Jillian has planned.”

  He smiled. “How else do you plan to prove your point?”

  “My point will be easily proven. Love doesn’t exist.” I stared at his lips. The bottom was slightly plumper than the top. His blue dress shirt was rolled to the elbows. And his forearms were toned. Damn it. Why should men have forearms like that? Why? They flexed when he raised his cup to his lips, and then flexed again when he sat it back onto the table.

  “Why would any woman want that to be true?” he challenged, one brow arching up.

  “I don’t want it to be true, it just is.”

  His eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms over his chest. “How do you know? Forget the assignment, forget proving a hypothesis and this damn paper. How do you know? Why do you think that?”

  I swallowed. “Because if I’ve ever felt it, I don’t remember it.” His brows furrowed and he parted his lips to say something, but never did. What could anyone say to that? We finished our drinks quickly and I made up a flimsy excuse to leave, grabbing my things and telling him I’d see him in class next Monday. He simply stared, brows furrowed.

  THIRTEEN

  Week from Hell

  Alexandria

  Tuesdays were almost as bad as Mondays, especially this one. I’d made a complete fool out of myself at the coffee shop with Arsen. Who told someone something like that? People loved happily ever afters. I knew that. Once the words came out of my mouth, he looked like someone kicked his puppy and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. I needed to apologize, but I wouldn’t see him for six days.

  Maybe he would forget. I sighed. Maybe he wouldn’t. If he brought that shit up in class, I’d shank him. Okay, fine. I’d probably shrink into a little Lexie ball and put earbuds in to keep from hearing the responses from the giggly blonde crowd up front.

  I opened my laptop and stared at the blank white screen; the flashing cursor. It dared me: Write something. Ugh. My cursor was an absolute bitch. She wanted to beat me and I was not going to let her.

  Positioning my fingers on the keys, I thought about the story that had been swirling through my mind. Creatures, battles, and images of unearthly landscapes raced through my mind. Just when I got ready to move my fingers from the home keys, my effing phone rang.

  It was Meg.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Have you called Mom yet?” She didn’t even say hi. How rude.

  “Hello Meg.” I smiled.

  “Don’t Hello Meg me! Have you called her? She needs to speak with you. This isn’t a joke, Lexie.”

  “I’ll call her today.”

  “Liar!”

  “I will call her today. I might as well get it over with so you’ll stop harassing me!”

  Clicking the red hang-up button, I fumed. Mom wanted to talk to me? Fine! I dialed her number. The phone rang once, twice... I hung up.

  I was a coward. My heart was racing and I couldn’t sit anymore. Popping up from my chair, I paced the floor. The long socks made my feet slip with each step on the hardwood. I hated hardwood. It was the devil. Maybe I should get carpet? Cold feet sucked and hardwood was cold, hence my sock addiction. And I hated pants! So thigh-high socks were it. And… Ring. Ring.

  Running back to my office, I slid toward my desk and grabbed the handset. Clicking the green answer button, I held it up to my ear and listened. I knew who would be on the other end.

  “Alexandria?”

  “Hi Mom,” I croaked.

  She began to cry softly. I joined her.

  “Lexie, I need to see you in person. I have something to give you.”

  “Okay,” I choked out. I did not want to see her in person, or at all. I was a horrible liar and daughter and person because of that.

  “Can you come soon?”

  “Yeah, Mom. I’ll come soon.”

  “Thank you, Alexandria.”

  “’Kay.” I hung the phone up and plopped into my desk chair. The tears wouldn’t stop. For hours, I did nothing but stare at the blank white screen. The cursor would blur and then become clear again. By noon, I was spent. My bed never felt so comfortable.

  ***

  Arsen

  I stared out my office window, watching the clouds drift by slowly. They dotted th
e clear blue sky, gray on the bottoms like they held too many burdens and would soon burst from the building pressure. Alexandria never remembered feeling loved. She didn’t know what love felt like. When she said it, I was shocked. Something dark flashed in her eyes and in that exact moment, I believed her. She was telling the truth.

  How was that even possible? At the very least, how could a parent not show love to their child? But beyond that, there was friendship. If she had siblings, there should be love in that relationship. Unless her parents ruined them.

  One thing was certain: Alexandria was not Trinity, because I loved Trin with every ounce of my body, every atom. And she loved me back in turn. Trin knew how to love and be loved. She never doubted me or my feelings about her. She was my other half. We planned on forever together, but I learned the hard way that forever sometimes had an expiration date. Because one day, while I was away at college, she just…disappeared.

  Now I knew Alexandria simply looked like her, or what I thought she’d look like now, but Alexandria wasn’t Trinity. My heart was crushed, just like she’d come back and left without a word all over again. That was why the rain-heavy sporadic clouds seemed especially fitting for how I felt. Bogged down and tired of searching for someone who was never going to be found. Maybe she didn’t want to be found, I thought.

  I needed to apologize to Alexandria—for pushing her too far, for hoping she was someone else, and for generally being a dick. Would I ever stop hurting her, stop wishing she were Trinity?

  Rifling through my bag, I found the sign-up sheet. My fingers trailed down the paper until I saw her delicate handwriting. I had her cell. She’d probably avoid me after class on Monday, so I needed to strike first from my phone. The little introvert would feel better about that.

  Me: I need to apologize about last night.

  Alexandria: Who is this?

  Me: Arsen

  Alexandria: Did you use the sign-up sheet to get my number? Naughty professor.

  I smiled. Me: I’m not technically a professor. Would you want to grab coffee and lunch tomorrow?

  Alexandria: Can’t. I’m speed dating. Sorry ;)

  Me: Jillian was serious?

  Alexandria: Unfortunately

  Me: Where?

  Alexandria: I don’t give stalkers that information.

  Touché.

  Cody stuck his head into my office. “What’s up?” I shot him a wide grin and his smile dropped. “Why the hell are you smiling?”

  “I might have done something stupid.”

  He snorted, crossing his arms and leaning on the door frame. “Might have?”

  “I don’t think it’s stupid, but you might think so.”

  “Spit it out.”

  “I gave the students a free basic eval.”

  Cody’s mouth dropped open. “All of them?” Our evals, even the basics, weren’t just simple computer-generated bullshit. We worked on them ourselves and usually with Doc. For this project, Cody would get the honors.

  “Nah. Just like twenty-something.”

  “Twenty something. Oh, is that all?”

  “Could be worse!” I laughed, handing the list to him.

  He scanned the names quickly, smirking when he came to the last name. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with Alexandria, would it?”

  “It started out that way, but I know she’s not Trinity now.” I pushed away from my desk and stood up, gathering my things.

  “Where are you going?”

  “While you and the nerd herd are busy with that, I’ll get lunch today.”

  Cody grabbed his stomach and groaned. “Thank fuck. I’m starving.”

  Cody was always starving.

  ***

  Alexandria

  I fretted all morning over what I should wear to this stupid thing. Speed dating. Awesome. Meet your soul mate in two minutes or less! More like my worst nightmare. Clothes of every shade and fabric were strewn over my bed and floor. Standing in front of the mirror, I eased the flat iron down sections of hair until it lay in a silky waterfall over my shoulders and back. My dark roots were starting to show. I shot a text to Vivian, my stylist. Time for bleach. The blonde was fading to orange...again. She pinged back with a Saturday morning appointment.

  My skin was breaking out. Lovely. Just what I needed to capture a love stud today. I concealed and covered until the pimples were hidden. When I finished, I realized that my skin now matched my hair. Ick. Why was everything effing orange right now? First my hair, and now I looked like I had a bad fake tan. Rubbing my face to blend the make-up better, I hoped I didn’t look like an Oompa Loompa on crack by the time I made it to this thing.

  I swiped mascara on and then clear gloss. The dark green shirt I’d chosen was a peplum, flared at the hips but tight across my breasts. The flutter sleeves were see-through and tiny white polka dots weaved their way through the soft fabric. It was feminine and fun and maybe too much cleavage?

  The doorbell rang and I ran for it. Jillian was on the other side, squealing and jumping up and down. “You look fantastic!”

  My cell pinged. I waved her in and ran for the phone. I sent Ava a pic of my outfit for a second opinion, especially on the cleavage.

  Ava texted back: Green shirt looks hot. Knock ‘em dead, speed dater.

  Me: I hate you.

  Ava: Do not.

  Me: I know.

  Ava: Be a slut and make your vagina happy.

  Me: I really do hate you.

  Ava: Your va-jay-jay loves me.

  Jillian stood in the hall waiting for me, looking around at everything. This was her first time at my apartment and my tastes were simple but weird. I don’t know. Most everything was white or gray, but at least the art on the wall was colorful. I liked contrast.

  “What happened to your bedroom?” she giggled.

  “I couldn’t pick a shirt.”

  “Damn, lucky for your bed you knew what jeans to wear.”

  ***

  Speed dating. I was going to partake in speed dating. Not to actually find a date, but to disprove a theory. I reminded myself of that fact as my palms began to sweat and tiny beads of liquid fear popped up at my temples. A woman in the front of the hotel conference room welcomed us all to the event and explained the rules, which were:

  (1) Ladies are to take a seat. The men will move around the room in a clockwise fashion, speaking with a new partner every four minutes.

  (2) Ask questions, smile, have fun, don’t consume too much alcohol.

  (3) If you threaten another dater, you will be removed from the premises.

  Lovely. Stan was in my bag, always at the ready. One million volts wrapped up in a small turquoise rectangle.

  There were easily fifty people in attendance. There was no way I’d “date” all the guys today, thank God. Scanning the men, most looked average, though there were a few who looked like complete weirdos. A couple were hot. Sweet mother of all things chocolate, let me date the good looking ones. I was okay with shallow in this arena. Shallow was safe. I couldn’t drown in shallow.

  My chest and face were suddenly assaulted with spritzes of vanilla perfume. Jillian wielded the vial. I swatted the air. “What are you doing?” I hissed.

  “I read online that women who smell like vanilla are more likely to get a second date from a speed dating event!”

  “Oh, joy! I don’t want a second date, Jillian.”

  “Well, at least you smell good!” she chirped, stuffing the perfume into her purse.

  I looked and smelled like a vanilla scented, tree-shaped, car air freshener.

  “Ladies,” the woman at the microphone said loudly. “Take a seat along the outside of the room’s perimeter. You’ll be closest to the windows or the walls!”

  The soulful lyrics of Lil Jon and The Eastside Boyz clawed their way into my head, and through the first few “dates” and buzzers, all I thought of were windows, walls, and sweaty balls. Balls would forever remind me of Ren, and suddenly I was sad. I had nothing. No fuck bud
dy. No boyfriend, however short term. Not even sweaty balls. I had speed dating with men who smelled like Twizzlers and cheese.

  The man across from me had a goatee striped down the center with gray, resembling the coloring of a skunk. But I was pretty sure he did that on purpose because he was young, too young to be that gray. I couldn’t even. No.

  “What do you do for a living?” I asked, trying to at least be polite.

  “I don’t work,” he answered, looking around the room with heavy eyelids.

  “Oh, between jobs?”

  “No, I live with my folks so I don’t have to. I like video games. Are you a gamer?”

  “Nope.”

  And that was pretty much the end of that conversation. He was looking for someone with his work habits and lifestyle. That chick was not me. Thank the Lord.

  We sat awkwardly, me staring at the buzzer and him staring at Jillian, who sat next to me until the shrill sound finally rang out through the room and skunk beard was replaced by a nice looking man.

  “Hi,” he said, offering his hand. “I’m Curtis.”

  “Hey. I’m Alexandria.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’ve got to be honest, I was dragged here by my friend so I don’t really know what to say.”

  I smiled. “I’m in the exact same position,” I said, hooking my thumb toward Jillian, who was hitting it off with skunky.

  Curtis relaxed and smiled. “My buddy thinks I need to find a date, but I think he’s just tired of me being a third wheel. Long story made short, I was engaged and my fiancée died in a car accident. I’m not over it and don’t want to be.”

  My heart hurt for him. “I’m so sorry. And I don’t blame you.”

  His eyes were like caramel, soft and buttery. He was clean shaven and his hair had recently been cut. His lips weren’t as full as Arsen’s, but they were nice. Curtis was nice. With a lop-sided smile, he told me about himself.

  “I work as a financial advisor. I run to keep my head from exploding and to mentally escape the confines of the concrete jungle.”