Insta-Hate (Instant Gratification #1) Page 17

  “What the hell?” My eyes were bugging out until I saw that he hadn’t actually hung his coat up, just laid it beside the couch over a bag I didn’t notice until that moment. I was in shock. That was it. Normally I was pretty observant. Like a ninja.

  He just surprised me, that was all. Showing up on my doorstep looking all sexy.

  Oh, hell no. No thoughts like that.

  I unwrapped the second mug as Tally squealed over her American Girl doll. It was a miniature of Tally bug and truthfully it, and all dolls, creeped me out a bit. At least it wasn’t faceless. Shudder.

  Easing the porcelain out of its box, this one had another ink blot in the shape of a woman’s profile. It read: ‘All of my personalities hate you’.

  “Ha!” I laughed, tears clogging my throat.

  “I’m sorry if you do. I know I’ve been an asshole,” he said sheepishly. “But I didn’t know, Lex. I didn’t know any of it.” He rubbed the back of his head.

  “I know you didn’t, and there’s nothing you could do that would ever make me hate you.” If he married Cynthia, I would like him less and hate her more, but I could never hate him.

  “Why is that?”

  “Because a part of me will love you beyond forever.”

  “We used to say that to each other, you know?” he said, his eyes searching mine. “Did you know that?”

  “No, it was just how I felt.”

  “We’d watch the stars in the back of my pickup, which is where I knocked you up, by the way. You’d tell me you’d love me forever, and I’d tell you that I’d love you beyond forever. Sounds sappy, huh?”

  It didn’t sound sappy at all. In fact, it sounded perfect and I wanted to be Trinity again, even if only for a moment, just so I could hear those words tumble from his lips. I watched Natalia, focused on her. Her face lit up. I snapped pics with my camera and phone. Arsen did, too.

  It was our first Christmas.

  THIRTY

  Celebrations

  Arsen

  Leaving Alexandria and Natalia was difficult. Truth be told, I wanted to call Cynthia and tell her I wasn’t coming, but I knew how excited she was about having me meet her parents and I didn’t want to disappoint her. For now, it was best to keep my life compartmentalized. My relationship with Cynthia on one side and Natalia and Lex on the other. Lex said that if things grew serious with Cynthia, we could introduce her to Tally. Maybe that would happen in the future, I didn’t know, but for now I wanted time with my daughter without throwing anyone else into the equation. I’d lost years of her life already. We were making up for lost time.

  Tally had already asked me to help her build some furniture for her playhouse. I offered to buy it, but she was addicted to some show where the hosts scoured flea markets for old things and refurbished or repurposed them. That was what she wanted, so I told her we would do exactly that. She was off from school all next week and although I hadn’t run it by Lex yet, I wondered if she’d let me take Tally shopping for a few hours.

  Turning my new Audi A3 sedan into the turn-around in front of Cynthia’s apartment building, I texted her to let her know I was downstairs. She emerged wearing all white from head to toe—even her coat. When she sat in the passenger seat, her eyes were wide and her mouth was wide open, too. “Did you buy a car?”

  “I did.”

  “That’s wonderful! I can’t even imagine how much it costs just to park it in this city.” She fastened her seatbelt and turned back to me, brushing her hair out of her face. “Are you ready?”

  “Absolutely. Just tell me where to go.” I gripped the steering wheel tightly as she entered the address of her parents’ home into the GPS. With her manicured nails, she tapped the city and state. My heart sunk. Her parents lived in Hoboken. I held my breath until she typed the street, praying it wasn’t Alexandria’s. It wasn’t. Thank God. But this trip would be even more torturous. I’d be thinking about the two girls who were so close, yet so far away instead of the one I was supposed to focus on.

  “All ready,” Cynthia chirped. “My family is so excited to meet you!” I tried to smile. “Aww. Don’t be nervous, Arsen. They’ll love you.”

  I let Cynthia believe it was nerves that made me quiet along the way, but I couldn’t get Alexandria out of my mind. She was Trinity; my Trin. She’d gone through hell, and I treated her like a pile of steaming shit.

  But she was so different than Trinity was. Trinity was quiet and kind, so gentle. Alexandria was a smart-mouthed, sassy, strong woman. To be honest, I thought she was a complete bitch at first, but a sexy one, wiggling the stun gun at me. She would have lit my ass up, too. I didn’t doubt it for a second.

  I hadn’t told Cody about the entire situation yet. Actually he’d barely said a full sentence to me since he paired me and Cynthia. I texted him today with a simple ‘Merry Christmas’ and he replied, ‘Merry Christmas, Asshole’. At least he replied.

  Traffic was moving steadily out of the city and within no time we were closing in on our destination. “It’s just ahead. The last on the block. And we might have to park on the street. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s fine.”

  I pulled up in front of the house and took a deep breath as Cynthia unfastened her belt. “They’re loud and nosy so they’ll ask you a million questions, but they mean well.”

  Smiling at her, I squeezed her hand once. “That’s fine. I would expect nothing less.”

  She squealed and hugged my neck. Walking around the car, I opened the passenger door for her and offered her my hand. She took it and led me up the walkway to the front door, which swung open before we stepped onto the porch. “Oh!” a woman who looked like an older version of Cynthia said. “We’ve been waiting! Is this him?” She smiled and reached out for my hand. I thought she wanted to shake it, but she was much stronger than she looked. She pulled me forward and into a full hug, kissing my cheek with a loud smack. “Family doesn’t shake hands, Arsen. Family hugs and kisses.”

  “Mama, stop,” Cynthia chastised, pulling me back from her mother. She threaded her arm around my elbow and pulled me inside the house. A group of men who were clustered around the television stopped to look me over.

  “We’ll just leave you to get acquainted with the men,” Cynthia’s mom said. I didn’t even know her name.

  A robust man with dark gray hair stepped over to me. “So you’re the one dating my little girl?”

  “I am.” I swallowed, praying he wasn’t in the mob. He looked me up and down, pursing his lips. Then he shrugged and smiled. “She’s brought home worse. I’m Roger.”

  I shook Roger’s hand and relaxed a little as he introduced me to eight of their cousins and Roger’s brother Michael. Each nodded a hello and went back to watching football re-runs on ESPN. After that was over, I was a bona fide member of the club. Roger handed me a bottle of Bud and slapped my back every time his team ran a good play. Cynthia, her mother (Eileen), and their other female cousins tittered in the kitchen as they prepared the meal. I could hear them when they got loud enough.

  Cynthia’s sister looked exactly like her, only a few years younger. “You didn’t say he was such a looker!”

  Her cousin, I’d forgotten his name, joined in the conversation. “He sure is. I’d eat him right up. Day-um.”

  “I’ve showed you his picture,” Cynthia said.

  “It didn’t do him justice, my goodness.”

  Heat spread up my neck. If I heard them, so did Roger.

  He slapped my shoulder. “Women,” he said, rolling his eyes. He pointed to the screen and yelled, “Oh, come on! That’s complete and utter bullshit!” Spittle flew from his mouth. He’d obviously had plenty of beer today.

  Cynthia’s sister sauntered in, giving me a teasing wink. “What’s bullshit, Daddy?” She fixated her eyes on the screen and yelled along with the others. “What the fuck kind of call is this? Home cookin’!”

  “Come and eat,” Eileen yelled. The guys filtered into the dining room slowly, peeling themselves
away from the game they had probably already watched a dozen times. Dinner was delicious and loud as hell. Everyone spoke over everyone else, passed food around the table, and were gracious in praising the ladies who cooked it.

  I wondered if Lex and Tally were eating with Meg and her family now. Would the holidays be hard because they lost their mom?

  Laughing at bad jokes, answering the questions of the inquisition Cynthia warned me about, and sitting with the guys in front of the television were the norms on Christmas for the Smiths. I wondered what traditions Lex was making.

  We stayed until the sky turned dark and gusts of wind rattled the windows of the house. “We should get going. This weather isn’t going to let up,” Cynthia finally said, easing her hands around my waist.

  “You’re probably right,” I said, low enough that only she could hear. She hugged everyone’s neck and kissed their cheeks. Awkwardly standing behind her, I shook hands when they were offered and hugged Eileen. Roger pointed his finger toward me and warned me to be good to his baby girl.

  I laughed. “I will. Thank you for inviting me to dinner. It was delicious.” Eileen glowed from the compliment. Helping Cynthia into her coat, we said goodbye again and stepped outside into the quiet night.

  Cynthia looked up at me and grinned. “You were magnificent. I knew they would love you.” I swallowed. Love me?

  “You have a lovely family,” I said, looking at the clouds beginning to thicken overhead. “We’d better hurry.”

  Traffic on the way back into Manhattan was surprisingly light. The closer we came to her building, the more Cynthia talked. She told me about her work week, the drama one of her friends was involved in, and asked if I could push said friend’s application through at InstantGratification. “I’ll look at it, but I really can’t guarantee anything.”

  She gave a huff, crossing her arms and staring out the window. “The process is one we trust,” I tried to explain. “I can’t take everyone who applies.”

  “Yeah. Fine.”

  We approached the street her building was on and she relaxed. “Will you come up? I have a little something for you.”

  “Yeah, I have something for you, too.” She squealed at that admission, sitting up straight and bouncing her leg rapidly. “Do you want me to drop you off at the door and then go park the car?”

  “That would be wonderful. I’m freezing,” she replied.

  When I pulled into the turn around, she unfastened her seatbelt, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and told me she would be ready when I got there. I watched her power-walk into the building, pulling her coat tightly against her body to fight off the cold.

  ***

  Alexandria

  Natalia had obviously missed Will and Chase. After dinner, the three made a fort in the living room using chairs, blankets, and pillows with Evan’s help. When I found three flashlights, they cheered and giggled, telling ghost stories until it grew dark and the wind kicked up.

  Meg and I talked while we cleaned up the dinner leftovers and loaded the dishwasher. “How did yesterday’s visit go? Was he uncomfortable?” she asked.

  “Not at all, surprisingly. He and Tally got along really well. He even came over this morning.”

  Her eyes widened. “What for?”

  “To watch her open presents.”

  Meg clutched her heart, water from her hands soaking into her shirt. “That’s wonderful. Did you know he was coming?”

  “No. I came downstairs and he knocked at the door.”

  “Aww, Lexie. That’s really sweet.” It was sweet. Natalia didn’t think I could hear them, but I knew she had ‘earsdropped’ on my recent conversation with Meg. She called him ‘Dad’. I knew because I’d earsdropped, too.

  I whispered to Meg over the dishwasher rack, “Tally knows who he is. She heard us talking.”

  Meg gasped, shoving a plate into the rack. “That little sneak! She’s always playing spy.”

  “I know,” I said, giggling. “But she was cool with it. I know sometimes she tests us both, but she’s doing so well.”

  “I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop,” admitted Meg. I understood that better than she knew. Before the truth came out, I felt that way about everything—like the bottom would fall out from under me and I’d land flat on my back, unable to get up again. More than likely it was our father’s fault. He stole our hope and happiness, even if only on a subconscious level.

  “We’ll get through it, Meg.” A strong gust of wind hit the house, rattling the windows and overturning one of the chairs on the back porch.

  Meg closed the dishwasher and I hit the button to make it run through a deep clean cycle. “We should get going before it gets any worse,” she said, hugging me. “Merry Christmas, Lexie.”

  “Merry Christmas,” I said, holding onto her neck.

  “Your ‘no gift’ rule sucks,” she said giggling.

  “We don’t need gifts to be happy, Meg.”

  “Truth.”

  My cell phone buzzed on the counter and Meg snatched it up. “Maybe it’s him,” she whisper-yelled. “Eww. It’s the ‘Ren-egade.’ Seriously, can I delete him yet?”

  I took my phone from her. “Nosy Rosy.”

  “Please tell me you haven’t had sexy time with Hairy’s Henderson lately.”

  Laughing, I clutched my phone to my chest. “I haven’t.”

  THIRTY-ONE

  Surprises

  Arsen

  When the elevator pinged and the doors opened to Cynthia’s floor, my stomach knotted up. I bought her a bracelet, but I thought she might be expecting more—not a ring at this point, but something. I could see it in her eyes when they lit up with anticipation in the car. Knocking twice, I heard her yell from behind the door that she was coming.

  When she opened the door wearing only a red, see-through nightie, I knew what she’d been anticipating. She was beautiful, but she wasn’t… I smiled. “You look amazing,” I told her, stepping in and closing the door behind me. She reached around to lock it. “But I’m really feeling sick.”

  Her smile fell away. “Oh.”

  “I’m sorry. I think I should go home and rest.” It wasn’t a complete lie. I was feeling ill. “But I did get you something.” Easing the long rectangular package from my pocket, I handed it to her.

  She tried to smile. “Thank you.”

  When she tore the paper away and saw the black velvet jewelry box, her smile widened even further. When she saw the gold and diamonds, repeating in a pattern, her face lit up. Her mouth formed an “o” and she hugged my neck. “It’s so beautiful, Arsen. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I hate to run, but I feel like I’m coming down with something and I can’t afford to miss work next week.”

  “I understand,” she said, but her voice was as weak as the words she used.

  “Can I get a raincheck on all this?” I asked, fingering the tiny strap of her lingerie and eliciting a small intake of air from her.

  “Of course.”

  With another hug and kiss, I left her apartment and headed for my own space. I needed to clear my head.

  When I walked into my building, the doorman stopped me. “You have a special delivery, sir.”

  I ticked my head back. “I do?”

  “Yes, sir. One moment.” He walked to a small desk in the lobby and retrieved a familiarly-shaped box wrapped with Dora wrapping paper.

  I smiled all the way to my apartment, and as soon as I unlocked the door and stepped inside, I opened it. Inside the box was a white mug with hand-drawn flowers and what looked like a play house on it. A small card inside said, ‘To: Arsen, From: Tally.’

  A glance at the clock revealed that it was almost ten-thirty. I couldn’t call and thank her tonight, but I could…

  Texting Lex, I sent: Tell Tally I love my mug. I’ll tell her tomorrow if that’s okay.

  Lex: She worked on it for an hour after you left. She never sits still that long. LOL

  Me: It’s the best gift I’ve e
ver received.

  And it was. My eyes damn well teared up. Still were. I wiped my cheek and looked down at the sound of the pinging text alert.

  Lex: Merry Christmas, Arsen.

  Me: Merry Christmas, Lex.

  ***

  Alexandria

  The day after Christmas, Tally was digging through her toys while I used every tool in my small arsenal to release them from their confines. Damn toys were restrained to the max. I had no idea! And I’d already run out of batteries. “We’ll have to go to the store to get more double A’s, Tally bug.”

  “And triple A’s and C’s and a nine volt,” she added. “My iPad is almost ready,” she shrieked, holding it up to check the battery life. Arsen had given her the best gift ever. Why didn’t I think of an iPad? But if I had, then she’d have two.

  My cell phone’s text alert pinged. It was from Arsen.

  Arsen: Would you mind if I stopped by?

  Me: Not at all. We’re wading through toys.

  Arsen: Do you need anything?

  Me: Batteries? All types, basically.

  Arsen: On it.

  The man was a saint. “Arsen is going to visit. He’s bringing batteries.”

  Tally sat down beside me on the floor. “You smile when you talk about him.”

  “I do?”

  She nodded her head. “You like him.”

  “He’s nice. Everyone likes him.”

  Rolling her eyes, she groaned. “No, you really like him. You like-like him.”

  “I can’t, Tally bug.”

  “But you do.”

  I do. But I can’t.

  Arsen knocked on the door an hour and a half later with a plastic bag full of batteries and a cupcake for Tally. You would have thought he bought her a pony. “For me? Thank you!” She popped the plastic lid open and buried her face in the white buttercream, coming up for air only when necessary to stay alive.

  Smiling as he shrugged his coat off, I took in how his jeans fit his fine backside, how his Henley was faded to perfection, and how… I couldn’t keep ogling him, so I focused on the Phillip’s head screwdriver and the pesky screw I’d succeeded in stripping of its threading. No matter how I tried to get it to move it just spun, refusing to open the stupid battery compartment.